微故事: 按鈕下的呼吸 / Breathing Beneath the Button (by Tonkabean)
微故事: 按鈕下的呼吸 (東加豆)
我望着日曆。十四號，岳母生日，要買蛋糕。十六號，外父覆診，要請假。二十號，子女家長日，要出席。二十二號，公司季度報告，要交。每一格都是「要」，沒有一格是「想」。
妻子昨晚對我說：「你知不知道你吃飯時，夾了六次菜，次次都是同一碟。你連自己吃什麼都不知道。」我聽完，沒有反應，因為我真的不知道。
晚上九點五十五分，五分鐘後，我期待的大笑瑜伽就開始了。
白天，我是公司的「PPT機械人」—— 寫 PPT ➔ 改 PPT ➔ 說 PPT。夜晚，我把門半掩，打開Zoom，印度導師喊「Ho Ho Ha Ha」，來自世界各地的學員在方格裡攤開雙手，張大嘴巴，隔着螢幕，笑聲卻穿牆過壁，深深地呼吸。
導師說，人平時呼吸，每次只吸入約半公升空氣，叫做潮氣量。我盯着螢幕，忽然覺得，我連呼吸都活得那麼吝嗇——對公司、對家庭、對自己，統統只用最低限度。
我本來是為了笑而來的。但笑著笑著，我發現自己對呼吸的認識，原來如此淺薄。原來我連呼吸，都沒有真正呼吸過。
當我笑到沒有氣，身體卻告訴我另一件事。肺底原來永遠留住三公升空氣，裡面全是二氧化碳。只有主動用力呼氣，才可以逼出一點五公升。大笑瑜伽的自願笑聲，就是一種延長呼氣，將那些死氣逼出來，換入新鮮氧氣。
我一邊笑，一邊懷疑：呼出的二氧化碳裡，有半公升是來自上司的。
我每次笑到肚子都抽搐，都覺得整個人輕了，不是錯覺。
今晚，導師說：「打開鏡頭，跟身邊的人眼神接觸！」我興高采烈準備按下「開啟視訊」——突然，右上角一個新加入的方格亮起。那張臉，我每天早上九點都要面對的——我的上司。
他雙手交疊在胸前，下巴微微抬起，嘴角帶着一絲似笑非笑，眼神像在審視下屬。
我再看他今天發來的訊息。同一段話，他發了訊息，又發電郵，還在群組連發三條語音。幾乎所有人都知道，箭靶中間的圓圈就是我。
這一刻，我看著螢幕上綠色的按鈕，手指比上班時還要僵硬。
如果打開鏡頭，我唯一的避風港，會不會從此淪陷？
完
Micro-story: Breathing Beneath the Button (by Tonkabean)
I looked at the calendar. The 14th: Mother-in-law’s birthday—buy a cake. The 16th: Father-in-law’s medical checkup—take leave. The 20th: Parent-teacher day—attend. The 22nd: Company quarterly report—submit. Every single box was a "must," not a "want."
Last night, my wife said to me, "Do you know that during dinner, you picked food from the exact same dish six times? You don’t even know what you’re eating." I had no response, because I truly didn't know.
At 9:55 PM, five minutes to go, the Laughter Yoga session I was looking forward to was about to start.
By day, I was the company’s "PPT robot"—write PPTs ➔ edit PPTs ➔ present PPTs. By night, with my door half-closed, I opened Zoom. An instructor from India shouted "Ho Ho Ha Ha," while participants from all over the world spread their arms and opened their mouths wide in their video boxes. Across the screen, their laughter broke through walls as they took deep breaths.
The instructor said that when people breathe normally, we only inhale about half a liter of air each time, which is called Tidal Volume. Staring at the screen, I suddenly realized I was living so stingily even with my breathing—giving only the absolute minimum to my company, my family, and myself.
I had come here just to laugh. But as I laughed, I realized how shallow my understanding of breathing really was. I hadn't even been truly breathing all this time.
When I laughed until I ran out of breath, my body revealed another truth. The bottom of the lungs always holds three liters of air, all filled with carbon dioxide. Only by exhaling forcefully can we push out 1.5 liters. The voluntary laughter in Laughter Yoga is actually a prolonged exhalation, forcing out that stale air and bringing in fresh oxygen.
As I laughed, I wondered: among the exhaled carbon dioxide, half a liter probably belonged to my boss.
Every time I laughed until my stomach cramped, I felt lighter all over, and it wasn't just an illusion.
Tonight, the instructor said, "Turn on your camera and make eye contact with the person next to you!" Excited, I prepared to click "Start Video"—when suddenly, a new box in the top right corner lit up. That face, the one I had to face every morning at 9:00 AM—my boss.
With his arms crossed over his chest and his chin slightly raised, a faint, ambiguous smirk played on his lips, his eyes searching like he was reviewing a subordinate.
I recalled the messages he sent today. For the exact same note, he sent a text message, an email, and three consecutive voice messages in the group chat. Almost everyone knew that the bullseye in the middle of the target was me.
At this moment, looking at the green button on the screen, my fingers felt stiffer than they ever did at work.
If I turn on the camera, will my only safe haven fall apart forever?
End
日期 Date： 28 September 2026
圖 Illustration: 人工智豆 (Ai-Bean)
文 Written by: 東加豆 (Tonkabean)
我除了寫微故事，還製作有聲書，希望我們能互相認識。
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Besides writing micro-stories, I also create audiobooks. I hope we can get to know each other.
Do you like my stories? I hope to have your support, likes, or shares. Let me know that you are with me on this creative journey.
故事選集 / Story Collection
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